Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up and everything is completely clear to you? You know, where you just know innately inside of you that you are right where you are suppose to be, have the people in your life that truly matter, live exactly where you belong? I woke up feeling just that way. Which is weird, because today I was woken up at 6:30am by two boys arguing {well, more like a mixture of yelling and whining} with one another and if any of you really know me...I am more of a night owl than an early riser. But, as I sat there and listened to Rob's boys, a huge smile leaped from my heart and to my lips. I was happy to have them both here with me, to have them together as they have been separated quite a bit since my surgery last month. Jacob being with his mom for the most part and Matt being with Rob & I and some very close friends of ours when Rob was at camp working.
These boys, I love them. I love how completely different they are but yet, the same. I love how Jacob has this crazy, adventurous, witty spirit to him, who LOVES to "dance it out" with me...who at this moment has a strong desire to not be called a baby {he is four} and loves everything "Star Wars Lego". He has a very laid back attitude, loves carbs like no kid I have ever met before, and when we watch movies with tiny little baby animals he always says "awhhhhhh" in the cutest little guy voice. I love how he gets excited for bedtime, where he likes to mellow out in his bath, then we brush his teeth and have a conversation with a little smirk on both our faces about how toothpaste is not for swallowing but spitting no matter how good it tastes. Afterwards, we head to their room where Jacob picks out two stories to read and always manages to find the "wordy" pirate book so he can prolong his bed time that much more and a really cute one about forest animals and love.
Of course, there are the days when him and Matt fight more than usual or he bugs Belle {our lab} or Oscar {our ragdoll} to the point they take one look at him and run in the opposite direction. That is when the books "Words are not for hurting" & "Tails are for wagging" are replaced from the usual pirate and forest books. We cuddle when we read and after the stories are done, he asks me to sing him some songs. I am delighted because, one...someone likes the sound of my voice and two...the look on his face when I oblige his request. When I am done, he always tells me that he loves me...which sounds more like " I Lub You", gives me a kiss and rolls onto his side and closes his eyes.
I love how Matthew is so neat, organized, outdoory and super meticulous to details. I love how animated his face gets when he talks about anything fishing. For a 7 year old he probably knows more about fishing than most adults...it is his passion! I love the dreamy look in his eyes when he says "Shauna {and more and more often...mom}, I can't wait to go to Ontario" or my personal favorite "If I had three wishes in all the world, my first would be to go to Ontario and go fishing with your dad". I melt inside when he states this because, he is truly sooooo excited for this and I know my dad can't wait to meet his new grandsons. This man has been waiting many, many, many years for boys to be a part of our family. I love how he reminds me so much of Rob's caring, sensitive nature. How he can't wait for "our" time together, where we go over his words for school, he reads to me and I gently help him with the ones he does not know. The way we sit and talk like my dad and I use to when I was his age...about the stars, the ever meaningful questions that a 7 year old has about the wonders of life and then at the end of these conversations he always states "I love you & I am glad you got cancer Shauna".
The meaning behind these words are significant and full of his heart thoughts and I always answer "Me too, my love...me too" and we hug. I understand what he means as the conversation use to start with "Shauna, I hate that you had cancer" with an underlying fear of what that all meant to a 7 year old who loves someone who could have died from this terrible disease.When Matt and I first started to get really close, he would say this and I would always respond with, "You know what buddy, I am happy I got cancer because it brought me here, to your daddy and to you boys. Cancer has shown me to not fear the things I do not know but wanted to do, it showed me that no matter what, if I set my mind to something and truly believe I can do it...I will."
Then being the woman full of wisdom I am...I turn it into a lesson for him and let him know that it works the same for him. If he really wants to succeed at reading, he can't give up. If he wanted to go to another country and start up some Adventure tour when he was older, he had to work hard, believe in himself and just go for it. Matthew and I talk about swimming with the great whites together when he is 18 and how he makes me promise that I do it in the cage with him the first couple trips because by then, I would have free swam with them more than a handful of times. Matt has a lot of questions regarding my ordeal with cancer and loves asking questions about the whole "girls coming back process"...like any young boy, he loves to see the foot long scar on my back where they took the skin and muscle and moved it elsewhere. He thinks I am cool, awesome and he calls me a rockstar {a boy after my own heart} because I have what all little boys like...a huge war wound! But I think Matt and I agree on what is our favorite moment we share and that is when we are laying on the couch, snuggling, and I am rubbing his back. It relaxes him and it helps him get into his bedtime mode.
Since Rob and I have gotten together, we have tea together nightly {when he is not away at camp working}, we listen to music and he rubs my feet....heavenly! Seriously, how can I not love a man who loves my Fred Flintstone feet that much. I am not the President of the ugly foot club for no reason! Oh, and just so you are aware, being the president means I have the nicest feet out of the club...you should see the other girls. I look at theirs and truly believe I could be a foot model making a million dollars a year...maybe that will be my next aspiration in life.
Yes, today I woke up feeling truly grateful for my life...the one I was not to scared to make for myself. The one that I trusted was calling out to me when I moved 5 provinces and an Island over to. I am blessed to have such a supportive family and friends who didn't try to talk me out of what I felt in my heart was right at the time. I moved based on dreams I kept having about the mountains, an email sent from a friend originally from Atikokan who lives on Vancouver Island that had the exact picture I was dreaming about. I applied all over Vancouver Island and received job offers in Port McNeill...and only Port McNeill. I was excited to be able to find, not one but 3 jobs here when there was nothing available to me back home and a fear of going bankrupt from having a year off work {and no benefits} to kick cancer hard in the ass! I was able to accept a position that pays unbelievable, has the most outstanding benefits a gal could ask for...pay down most of the debt acquired in 2007 and solely purchase an investment property that I can pass onto Jaimee one day.
I am truly, completely honoured to have the best young woman for a daughter and I can't wait for her to get here in 45 days for the summer and then for her to hurry up grade 9 next term so she can get her butt here for the next couple of years! Jaimee, Matthew & Jacob love eachother and think of one another as siblings. I am so lucky to have an amazing man as Jaimee's dad and one of my best friends...I do not worry about my love while she is in Ontario. I know she is loved, taken care of and is doing what she needs to do for herself. I know that graduating grade 8 with the kids she has grown up with is important to her as well as starting high school with them. I know that Jaimee and I are not only joined by blood and our hearts...but something so much more. We are loving, honest and goofy with one another. Her personality is the exact split of Al & I and I love everything about her...she is my George and a beautiful, caring, kind, loving old soul!
Yep...I am blessed and grateful.
I love and am loved.
I have the joy of beautiful friendships gained & strengthened in only the way a life threatening illness or crisis can do.
I am abundant and able to have the wedding of my dreams...with the man of my dreams. The man that I was brought to, and met in divine perfect timing.
I have the family & life that I always wanted.
I have wisdom from my mistakes.
I have the excitement inside of me knowing all that I am going to accomplish.
I have the love of a REALLY good man. He is everything a husband should be; a man of integrity, honest, kind, loving, my rock and my soft place to land. He is my friend, partner, my annoying side-kick {lol} and we laugh all the time...mostly at his first generation Canadian ways, haha! He's a man who is kind, loving, who puts me and our kids first. A man who drives me crazy some days but I could not imagine life without him. I have a man that I love and care for, with my whole being. I am my true self with him, he loves me for every last bossy bone in my body but also for the unlimited love and support I give him. We make one another better people just by being together and talk about ways to not only better our lives but others all around the world. I'm looking forward to the many things we are going to do and the travels and adventure we are going to go on.
Above all....I am thankful I for what cancer did for me!
It did not kill me....It woke me up!
Are you awake????????????????
These boys, I love them. I love how completely different they are but yet, the same. I love how Jacob has this crazy, adventurous, witty spirit to him, who LOVES to "dance it out" with me...who at this moment has a strong desire to not be called a baby {he is four} and loves everything "Star Wars Lego". He has a very laid back attitude, loves carbs like no kid I have ever met before, and when we watch movies with tiny little baby animals he always says "awhhhhhh" in the cutest little guy voice. I love how he gets excited for bedtime, where he likes to mellow out in his bath, then we brush his teeth and have a conversation with a little smirk on both our faces about how toothpaste is not for swallowing but spitting no matter how good it tastes. Afterwards, we head to their room where Jacob picks out two stories to read and always manages to find the "wordy" pirate book so he can prolong his bed time that much more and a really cute one about forest animals and love.
Of course, there are the days when him and Matt fight more than usual or he bugs Belle {our lab} or Oscar {our ragdoll} to the point they take one look at him and run in the opposite direction. That is when the books "Words are not for hurting" & "Tails are for wagging" are replaced from the usual pirate and forest books. We cuddle when we read and after the stories are done, he asks me to sing him some songs. I am delighted because, one...someone likes the sound of my voice and two...the look on his face when I oblige his request. When I am done, he always tells me that he loves me...which sounds more like " I Lub You", gives me a kiss and rolls onto his side and closes his eyes.
I love how Matthew is so neat, organized, outdoory and super meticulous to details. I love how animated his face gets when he talks about anything fishing. For a 7 year old he probably knows more about fishing than most adults...it is his passion! I love the dreamy look in his eyes when he says "Shauna {and more and more often...mom}, I can't wait to go to Ontario" or my personal favorite "If I had three wishes in all the world, my first would be to go to Ontario and go fishing with your dad". I melt inside when he states this because, he is truly sooooo excited for this and I know my dad can't wait to meet his new grandsons. This man has been waiting many, many, many years for boys to be a part of our family. I love how he reminds me so much of Rob's caring, sensitive nature. How he can't wait for "our" time together, where we go over his words for school, he reads to me and I gently help him with the ones he does not know. The way we sit and talk like my dad and I use to when I was his age...about the stars, the ever meaningful questions that a 7 year old has about the wonders of life and then at the end of these conversations he always states "I love you & I am glad you got cancer Shauna".
The meaning behind these words are significant and full of his heart thoughts and I always answer "Me too, my love...me too" and we hug. I understand what he means as the conversation use to start with "Shauna, I hate that you had cancer" with an underlying fear of what that all meant to a 7 year old who loves someone who could have died from this terrible disease.When Matt and I first started to get really close, he would say this and I would always respond with, "You know what buddy, I am happy I got cancer because it brought me here, to your daddy and to you boys. Cancer has shown me to not fear the things I do not know but wanted to do, it showed me that no matter what, if I set my mind to something and truly believe I can do it...I will."
Then being the woman full of wisdom I am...I turn it into a lesson for him and let him know that it works the same for him. If he really wants to succeed at reading, he can't give up. If he wanted to go to another country and start up some Adventure tour when he was older, he had to work hard, believe in himself and just go for it. Matthew and I talk about swimming with the great whites together when he is 18 and how he makes me promise that I do it in the cage with him the first couple trips because by then, I would have free swam with them more than a handful of times. Matt has a lot of questions regarding my ordeal with cancer and loves asking questions about the whole "girls coming back process"...like any young boy, he loves to see the foot long scar on my back where they took the skin and muscle and moved it elsewhere. He thinks I am cool, awesome and he calls me a rockstar {a boy after my own heart} because I have what all little boys like...a huge war wound! But I think Matt and I agree on what is our favorite moment we share and that is when we are laying on the couch, snuggling, and I am rubbing his back. It relaxes him and it helps him get into his bedtime mode.
Since Rob and I have gotten together, we have tea together nightly {when he is not away at camp working}, we listen to music and he rubs my feet....heavenly! Seriously, how can I not love a man who loves my Fred Flintstone feet that much. I am not the President of the ugly foot club for no reason! Oh, and just so you are aware, being the president means I have the nicest feet out of the club...you should see the other girls. I look at theirs and truly believe I could be a foot model making a million dollars a year...maybe that will be my next aspiration in life.
Yes, today I woke up feeling truly grateful for my life...the one I was not to scared to make for myself. The one that I trusted was calling out to me when I moved 5 provinces and an Island over to. I am blessed to have such a supportive family and friends who didn't try to talk me out of what I felt in my heart was right at the time. I moved based on dreams I kept having about the mountains, an email sent from a friend originally from Atikokan who lives on Vancouver Island that had the exact picture I was dreaming about. I applied all over Vancouver Island and received job offers in Port McNeill...and only Port McNeill. I was excited to be able to find, not one but 3 jobs here when there was nothing available to me back home and a fear of going bankrupt from having a year off work {and no benefits} to kick cancer hard in the ass! I was able to accept a position that pays unbelievable, has the most outstanding benefits a gal could ask for...pay down most of the debt acquired in 2007 and solely purchase an investment property that I can pass onto Jaimee one day.
I am truly, completely honoured to have the best young woman for a daughter and I can't wait for her to get here in 45 days for the summer and then for her to hurry up grade 9 next term so she can get her butt here for the next couple of years! Jaimee, Matthew & Jacob love eachother and think of one another as siblings. I am so lucky to have an amazing man as Jaimee's dad and one of my best friends...I do not worry about my love while she is in Ontario. I know she is loved, taken care of and is doing what she needs to do for herself. I know that graduating grade 8 with the kids she has grown up with is important to her as well as starting high school with them. I know that Jaimee and I are not only joined by blood and our hearts...but something so much more. We are loving, honest and goofy with one another. Her personality is the exact split of Al & I and I love everything about her...she is my George and a beautiful, caring, kind, loving old soul!
Yep...I am blessed and grateful.
I love and am loved.
I have the joy of beautiful friendships gained & strengthened in only the way a life threatening illness or crisis can do.
I am abundant and able to have the wedding of my dreams...with the man of my dreams. The man that I was brought to, and met in divine perfect timing.
I have the family & life that I always wanted.
I have wisdom from my mistakes.
I have the excitement inside of me knowing all that I am going to accomplish.
I have the love of a REALLY good man. He is everything a husband should be; a man of integrity, honest, kind, loving, my rock and my soft place to land. He is my friend, partner, my annoying side-kick {lol} and we laugh all the time...mostly at his first generation Canadian ways, haha! He's a man who is kind, loving, who puts me and our kids first. A man who drives me crazy some days but I could not imagine life without him. I have a man that I love and care for, with my whole being. I am my true self with him, he loves me for every last bossy bone in my body but also for the unlimited love and support I give him. We make one another better people just by being together and talk about ways to not only better our lives but others all around the world. I'm looking forward to the many things we are going to do and the travels and adventure we are going to go on.
Above all....I am thankful I for what cancer did for me!
It did not kill me....It woke me up!
Are you awake????????????????
